A Bloody Romance

And we all say goodbye in the end

Wed, 16 Jun 2004 03:55:17 GMT

I havent updated recently. So I suppose I should write in this thing. The last few days have been kinda of hectic. One more exam and im done. Thank God...i passed math...im so happy, no summer school for me!!! Yay! and no school tommorrow oh how i love to sleep. Congrats to all the seniors for graduated...wahoo, im technically a senior :-D be scared! Class of 2005...hahah makes me laugh. This summer is going to be awesome. I leave for NY in 2 weeks...i dont know how i feel about seeing everyone yet...its going to be weird w/out my grandpa there....he was the life of the party....and my family isnt the same. I dont want to see them, they always make fun of me. Great. Oh well....theres only one person i want to see anyways. It should end up being okay.

Tommorrow Im sleeping in. Im excited.

You are that I need, but everything i hate, and i cant stop thinking about you.

Tue, 08 Jun 2004 01:51:49 GMT

Thats my baby! I love him- his names Cajun. He looks really dirty there, that was in the winter so his coat is all fury...but hes beautiful now and has lots more muscle....ill post newer pics when i get them. Just felt like putting that up there.

Today was an eventful day. Sarah and I went running in montclair, played tennis and....CLEANED MY CAR!!!! its so pretty now <3 i love it. Im off to bed.

Mon, 07 Jun 2004 02:43:31 GMT

New cell phone- 703-731-6983 call me!!! Nothing really is going on so im going to post some pictures, if i knew how to make a cut i would but i dont soo sorry there so big

I think i squished me- but there I am...its from awhile ago- i like that hair color :-D mmmm im in love w/Eric Bana...Troy what a beautiful masterpiece....Hes my future husband

Sexy man! They need to make men like this now!! Hes so hot....i know im a loser :-p

And me again....with a different hair color...i dye my hair too much. Okay sorry if you dont like the pics...but there they are...if anyone knows how to do a cut want to inform me? well im out. goodnight

<3 love

"That Feels Good...okay that doesnt feel too good!"

Mon, 31 May 2004 19:57:10 GMT

This weekend was a blast. I had such a good weekend :-D. Friday Sarah and I went shopping at like 3 i bought her bday present and my moms as well. Then at like 7 we saw TROY!!! Holy shit the movie is like sex. I loved it....Brad Pitt and Eric Bana looked gorgeous. So sexy...that movie was just outstanding. I have to see it again. We rented 13...it was an okay movie, but it was rather disturbing.
On Saturday i had to work and I got home and slept most of the day. I spent the night at sarahs bc we were going to KD the next day. On our way to to KD saturday we ate at Aunt Sarah's which was like giant hick hangout. It was scary. Kings Dominion was awesome we rode almost all the rides....ive been scared of rollercoasters since i was little and only went on one. I LOVE IT! it was my first time going on an upside down one and i love them im so glad i got over my fear. I want to go back it was such a good time. We got home around 10:30 and we fell asleep at like 11:30 bc we were exhausted. overall it was a good weekend. Well I have to go read The Five People You Meet in Heaven and watch the LOTR: Return of the king yay!! Viggo :-D

<3 love

Thu, 20 May 2004 02:29:06 GMT

yay i found out how to post picutures but i dont know how to put them in an lj cut so here they are i know there scary but oh well!!

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yay i found out how to post picutures but i dont know how to put them in an lj cut so here they are i know there scary but oh well!! <IMG <IMG style="WIDTH: 373px; HEIGHT: 485px" height=675 src="http://img13.photobucket.com/albums/v37/loststar/Fun_Pictures_418.jpg" width=888> sarah in the car <IMG style="WIDTH: 265px; HEIGHT: 515px" height=707 src="http://img13.photobucket.com/albums/v37/loststar/IMAG0076.jpg" width=537> Sarah at Prom....sexy!<IMG style="WIDTH: 299px; HEIGHT: 346px" height=565 src="http://img13.photobucket.com/albums/v37/loststar/Fun_Pictures_107.jpg" width=780> us looking creepy!!<IMG style="WIDTH: 282px; HEIGHT: 316px" height=581 src="http://img13.photobucket.com/albums/v37/loststar/Fun_Pictures_303.jpg" width=675>awww my puppy!

I wont belive this

Wed, 19 May 2004 01:48:24 GMT

Im quitting my job. Friday. Im going to do it friday. Im such a wuss, my boss scares the fuck out of me shes one creepy lady. Its sad, im excited about quitting. I really didnt do much today. Just hung out with Sarah and ended up cracking up on my floor over cheese. Random. I cant wait till summer. Its going to be an awesome summer. I can feel it. It needs to come sooner. My fingers hurt. Ouchies. I had to work in the rain today so i got soaked. Yum. Well its time for bed i think. night.

<3 love.

I keep my eyes patiently focused on you....

Tue, 18 May 2004 01:31:03 GMT

Im so sick of my job...i need a new one. Im quitting tommorrow well putting in my 2 weeks notice in...i think. idk im still debating. arg.
Yesterday I went to go get my camera developed with Sarah and got some frames yay!! They turned out good.....most of them....they're some interesting ones....yea besides that there pretty good. Then we went back to her house and took some more random pictures and went into her backyard it was really beautiful day outside.

Today Sarah and I got yet another camera developed....the self checkout at walmart yelled at me :( That concludes my day.

Im really going to miss her when she moves :(

I close my eyes
Only for a moment
And the moment's gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes a curiosity
Dust in the wind
All they are is dust in the wind

Same old song
Just a drop of water
In an endless sea
All we do
Crumbles to the ground
Though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind

Now, don't hang on
Nothing last forever,
But the earth and sky,
It slips away
And all your money
Won't another minute buy

Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind
Everything is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind
Everything is dust in the wind.
I <3 this song. Im bored.

Eh

Sun, 16 May 2004 06:10:38 GMT

Well last night was Prom. It was pretty okay- i had a decent time. Sarah looked Gorgeous and so did all my friends. There so hot. I had a good time i suppose. Afterwards I went to Sarah's. I love her. We woke up around 12? Mmm sleep.

Today I worked. Then came home and went to Silver Diner with Sarah. WE had a crazy waitress. We rented The Pianist. It was an awesome movie. Its been actually a good weekend. Im tired. Sleep for me. I shall post prom pictures when i get the chance <3

Story It still needs an ending.

Thu, 13 May 2004 02:34:49 GMT

She paints pictures. Not ordinary pictures. Not pictures drawn on crystal white paper with brush strokes of blues and greens dancing across the canvas as seen in a fantasty or a dream. Pictures not drawn with pencils or paintbrushes. She has her own canvas, herself. Her ivory skin as white as a fresh blanket of snow, so pure and filled with rapture is the canvas she creates her paintings with. She paints with a silver blade that shimmers in the sunlight. She flinches a little then she lets loose her masterpiece, a bubbling river of crimson flowing over her once precious skin, that slowly makes its way into intricate designs guiding the strokes into her work. That’s what she told me “its artwork Jen” she said brushing my hair out of my face. That mass of brown that camouflaged my face. I was helpless. I didn’t know what to do. So I sat- and I watched the blade cascade across her skin, not knowing what to do. My eyes danced with every jerk, every moment, every sound. And I did nothing. I watched. Soon my iris’s transformed into crimson puddles that slowly jet down my cheeks. I started to leave the room, numb by the sight I’d just seen when she grabbed me around the wrist “ Don’t you tell mom Jen- remember-I’m a painter- it’s just another form of paper okay?” Kris said as she kissed my forehead and shoved me out of her door. I had no clue that skin was paper. I was used to drawing stick figures and happy little sun’s glowing luminously, not dark blues and scarlets that dripped from my skin. I was to young to understand, but old enough to comprehend that my older sister had a problem. My sister- the one I’ve looked up to my entire childhood. I was confused, more in a loss of words. I walked into my room- I had just painted it baby blue- my favorite color. I sat myself on my tiny bed and grabbed the stuffed animal dog and held him tightly, as I pressed my face down into the soft fur and cried. I whelped like a puppy, as the tears soaked the poor dog. I was ten- and all I knew that my sister was in pain- and so was I. It went on like that for years. Not understanding what was going on- watching her carve patterns on her skin, watching her breathe in toxic fumes and watching her swallow vibrant pills the color of my crayons. I watched as my parents sent her to various “resorts” and “vacations” to make her “ more relaxed” according to my mom. I wasn’t aloud to know. I was kept seclude, incommunicado from her world. The only thing I was to know was that my sister is “ in a very bad place, and has turned into a very bad person, but she loves you very much” my mom told me as she gave me a cookie. The cookie was supposed to symbolize that everything was going to be okay. If I had the cookie, my sister would be home again running in the backyard with me and picking me up and swinging me around. We would sit outside on the slide, even though I was six years younger she had always made times for me after school. I used to wait for her until she came home “ hey munchkin” she would always say as she brushed the top of my head. We would walk our new beagle Sherlock down the street as she watched him drag me on my new roller blades. The cookie would make all of this come back. I would stare at the cookie intently waiting for my fortune to come true- but never would, so I just stuffed it down my throat, and there would be lots of cookies to come.

Read Me!! I Need to be finished.

Lets Paint.

Thu, 13 May 2004 02:31:08 GMT

I wrote this letter-

Thinking it could say everything

But the paper lies blank

And the pen sits on the table

I try to find the words to say

That could make everything disappear

All these lies we’ve thrown out

With rancid tongues

Ripped at our hearts

With abusing hands-

You raped my mind

With your intolerable ways

And we tossed that word

All over the place

Beating it until

Crimson falls out into my palms

And now I sit here alone

Trying to write this repulsive love letter

That overturns in my grasp

The paper slits my fingers

And I watch the pearls of scarlet

Flow, rivers of blood that soak

This ivory paper-

The paper that bound me to your heart-

Kept my fingers ensnared around you

Around me.

The pen that sifts over the lines

And the ink bubbles with every stroke-

Those vivacious strokes that

Caress my thoughts-

And I write this letter to you for the first time

And all that I can say is

~~I love you.~~ I hate you.

I found this. I wrote it awhile ago. It's nothing great but yeah. Well Im going to prom, ive been so indecisive about the whole thing, and I had 2 dates but those fell through because they couldnt go. Sarah really wants me to go so I am. I have the dress, the shoes, all the neccesities. And Im going to go and have fun. WAHOO!!! Im going to dance it up :-D ow ow!!! Sarah said shes going to talk to JP and Corey and have them come down soon...im excited...JP is hot!!!!! She showed me prom pictures....oooo wow pretty pretty!!!! Ive never met Cory either and I want to meet him, i want to see Danielle again because she is such a sweet an awesome person.

Anywase, nothing really is new, im just getting excited about prom, its friday...any suggestions on my hair? Please? Im so ready for summer- its going to be one awesome summer. Im counting till the days.

No HFS for me :( makes me sad. Oh well. I need to get my yearbook. Meh, Im lazy. Anyone want to go shopping with me tommorrow?

Sleep is very needed tonight.

I bleed.

Sun, 09 May 2004 04:25:10 GMT

I hate you. I hate what you did to me, and how you follow my every move, my every breath, and every step. Your always here, no matter how far- your always with me. I cant stand it. You will never leave....

Its just one of those days.Today goes as follows

-got prom shoes
-got earings
-dyed hair
-went to ulta
-cleaned like a mad woman
- went to taco bell with adrian and Jess

im bored. I cant do this anymore.

I miss matt!!!!

Taking on seven years....

Mon, 03 May 2004 02:46:25 GMT

This weekend was okay i guess. Friday arda chris and i skipped sixth. We drove around and visited people all and all it was pretty fun the weather was nice and we just talked and hung out. I had to wake up early for the SATS- they were horrible. I just could not concentrate. After that i went shopping and at 8:45ish went to the show at skatenation with sarah- we missed aviator overboard who i wanted to hear. Oh well. It was pretty fun until i ran on the ice(smooth move) and fell straight on my back. Im such a clutz.

Im starting to loose touch with some of my good friends- and it makes me sad. Everyone is leaving, moving away- it seems as if i dont talk to half of the people i used to. Im talking to matt- and i remember when we used to be such good friends in 3rd grade wed go into the woods and play in the creek- we were always so close and now that hes gone its so different when i see him or when i talk to him. Its just not the same. Shit happens. Well im off to bed. AP test tommorrow. Fun.

Slowly Time Fades

Wed, 28 Apr 2004 20:58:09 GMT

Its been awhile since I've actually updated. So I suppose I shall. Well lets see- last weekend April 23rd I went to Eascoast and saw Anatomy of A Ghost, AKAs, Beautiful Mistake and Emery. I know im delayed. It was awesome. I mean- it was just great. Anatomy of the ghost was sensational they're all really cool guys and they signed my shoes :-D yay. Emery was awesome as well as long as the AKAs. Overall it was a good time and Im glad i went. I got pulled over by a cop and sed I was going to fast when i pulled over right next to the 50mph sign and was going 40 and he sed I was drunk. ass. anywase.

Im so sick and tired of school its become rather pathetic. Im just lazy and dont feel like doing anything- but im going to get good grades i have to. I just cant wait till summer- its going to be awesome. I got my prom dress- its black with polka dots i think i like it- idk i dont even have a date....any takers? Who knows it should be fun. I guess. I have my SAT prep class tonight- oh fun. O well- its the last one and the SAT saturday at Woodbridge i can barely hold in my enthusiasm. I dont know what to write for creative writing- i need to think of something but my brain is dead. I want to go to the show on Friday at Eascoast: Between the Buried and me and Bleeding through i definetly want to check them out- but no one wants to go with me? Please Please :-D I want to go to HFStival i want to see the Cure but a) i have no money and b) i have no fucking clue what my schedule is and c) i dont know how i would get there....I need warped tickets to. bah. I just need to win the lottery then im set. Im definitely thinking that i want to cut my hair again- do something with it- does anyone want to cut it for me b/c yeah i really dont want to go anywhere...anyone? I need to die it again to- its an addiction i swear playing with my hair. hah. My moms in Las Vegas- and she didnt invite me nor told any of us just called and said im in las vegas....not fair. OH!!! get this....my dad is going through a midlife crisis i think and instead of buying a new car or a motorcycle he bought.......

A CANOE. Not just a canoe a motorized 18 footer. Hah. Hes so weird. im out

Up she goes

Sat, 10 Apr 2004 17:10:09 GMT

I slept for 10hours and I'm still exhausted. Im so tired right now, its hard to stay awake. Bah and I hace to go to work at 2!! RAWR!!! I really dont want to work, maybe Ill take some pictures of the cute doggies- but theres so many!!! Ahh i dont want to go- i just want to sleep. Tommororw the Easter Bunny comes- oh joy.

"So this is the end" she said
As she wiped the blood of her lips.
And Up she goes-

And I can Feel My life Slip through my fingers

Fri, 09 Apr 2004 17:49:56 GMT

Sooo yesterday I worked at 7:30-2 blah. It was so busy, it was crazy. Then I came home and went to sarah and sat in her living room. Then we decided to go out to dinner, so we went to Old Country Buffet b/c were cool like that, we were supposed to go with Andrew and Charles but that fell through-sorry guys! We ate some good food and got stuffed until we thought we could explode. Blah- then we did the usual drove around and listened to some good music :-D!! Anywho we went to the movie gallery and rented Gangs of New York and American History X We got back to her house and watched Gangs of New York- that is an awesome movie. I loved it. Hot irish accents and hot Irish Leonardo DiCaprio- beautiful! It was an awesome movie. American History X-speechless- it was so-i dont know but it was good i liked it alot-but left me...numb. I went home to get my stuff and my mom just got back from Orlando- it was a bitch fest-man...it sucked. But o well- its what she does. Well i must go- i have work at 2-8. Someone call me later if you want to do something.

and i keep falling.

The Beauty of Music

Tue, 06 Apr 2004 05:39:09 GMT

Load up on guns and bring your friends
It's fun to lose and to pretend
She's over bored and self assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word

Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello!

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido
Yay!

I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end

Hello, hello, hello, how low? (x3)
Hello, hello, hello!

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My Libido
Yay! (x3)

And I forget just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard, it was hard to find
Oh well, whatever, nevermind

Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello!

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido

A denial

I was watching this tribute to Nirvana and there playing all there videos and I was thinking, god Kurt Cobane was talented. He was just plain awesome he broke the barrier in music and made all the music that is coming out today what it is, he inspired so many people and his music touched everyone. You couldnt help but fall in love with his words, they entangled around your throat and sifting through your lungs. He was addicitve. RIP. His music were live forever.

And the beat goes on....

Tue, 06 Apr 2004 05:24:03 GMT

Well I havent really updating this thing in quite awhile, just havent had the time or need to. Nothing really too exciting happening...but hey its okay. Well I died my hair a couple or maybe a week ago? I dont really rememeber...well its purplish...brownish...its cool i like it. I think im going to grow my hair back out who knows...my hair changes frequently.

Last night I worked which was intersting....than Sarah, Caitlyn and I drove around and raced these 2 cars which was exciting...the whole adrenaline rush going 80 down waterway. Hot. Hahaha. Then I stayed at her house for awhile and chilled. Its so awesome when my mom is out of town my dad doesnt give a fuck what I do. Hes just like have fun sweetie! Tonight was pretty much the same we drove around went to borders...then we went to Frankies, watched part of Fight Club took sarah home came back to Frankie's talked and chilled. Hes pretty tight. Thats bought it and now im here at home. sitting and listening to some music. YaY.

This spring break has started off pretty shitty- blah. Oh well I enjoy the sleepage, i need it. I am so sleep deprived that this spring break is like rebuilding my energy until school bc i get zero sleep till then. Tommorrow i have to work at 2. Not to bad at least I can sleep till 1- get off at 8 than do whatever...Hopefully find something fun to do. Okay off to bed....but im not really tired. damn.

Jen

Its the little things

Mon, 15 Mar 2004 23:36:53 GMT

This weekend was pretty good. On friday i cut my bangs. I love them. Love them,they look good and i did them myself :-d. Than Sarah and I hung out and watched home videos of her....o my they were tooo funny. I worked Saturday, than went to Ryans, it was really fun, i was so happy we got to hang out-hes such an awesome guy and we umm had some fun lol, he makes me smile- i cant help it when im around him but be happy, i just wish i knew how he felt or if hell even remember saturday....i hope, im sick and tired of being invisible.

The weekend was good but today i felt really, i dont know, not shitty just out of it. My emotions have been everywhere from happy, to sad to just plain worthless, i dont know whats going im just going through a rollercoaster of emotions, i need something ot make me happy, i miss smiling and being able to let go and laugh....I did that saturday. I want to soak you in. It was wonderful.....I just hope it wasnt a mistake to you. I wish I could be beautiful. Im going to start my homework. Blah. Mmm..I want to remember that night forever

Efface the Footprints in the sand....

Wed, 10 Mar 2004 00:01:38 GMT

Look I figured out how to make an icon! Its me...on sarahs bed....its kinda weird but it looks cool, i got this awesome picture of Dali's as my background too. Santiago El Grande...its pretty awesome. but enough of that. Today was such a long day. I hate chemistry.....its so stupid. After school Fatty and I decided to go to Dolphin Beach since we havent been there in awhile. It was rather nice feeling the sand sift through our hands and listening to the water....kinda brought up old and forgotten memories it was nice, i wish it was nicer outside though. Fuck virginias weathers its so messed up.

I hate 7-eleven. Fatty and I went in to buy coffee, first off they had NONE!!! No coffee...stupid, and no gummi bears...even stupider...so we ended up getting 2 giant things of tea which were 99 cents each which came to a total of 2.08 and fatty gave her a 5 and she gave her like 75 cents back and fatty wouldnt do anything about it bc she didnt want to talk to the lady who couldnt speak that much english...stupid stupid she coulndt add!!! thats why they have the cash registers they do it for you! the change even came up on the screen!!! COME ON!!!! *breathes* enough complaining. Im going to go take a shower now.

I miss those long summer nights were we would watch the stars come out..it was perfect.

And your turning into my worst nightmare again....

Tue, 09 Mar 2004 02:24:56 GMT

I havent really updated in awhile, i suppose out of just plain lazyness. Nothing really new or exciting has happened...just the same old stupid shit. Life just seems not to go anywhere, it just kinda sits here, the same thing everyday. I attempted to try and fix my jounral again, but i failed miserably hahah o well. If anyone knows how to post pictures on here, would you like to help me? :-D

I wish I had some moneys so i can get those cute shoes i saw....im done rambling.

I feel invsible around you...

Lalalalalala

Sun, 08 Feb 2004 03:14:10 GMT

Intersting. Thats all I have to say about the last two days. Interesting. Confused. o well.

Sarah and I are hanging out just talking and crap bc were losers :-D while everyones at brucies, i wanted to go :( o well im still having fun, im going to go now. ill update again later.

gay post.

Fri, 06 Feb 2004 01:40:31 GMT

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe.

hes so cute.hehehehehehehehehehe. i feel like im floating. he makes me feel wonderful.

The Sky is painted with brilliant blues, the color of your eyes.

Thu, 05 Feb 2004 02:14:08 GMT

This is all new to me, these feeling whirling around in my stomach like im on a roller coaster, i feel like I could throw up my organs, but than i feel butterflies flapping their beautiufl wings through my stomach and trhough my mind and it feels great. It feels great when I laugh at you, when I smile, and lock eyes with you. I feel so happy right now my insides could burst, it feels like with one more gasping breath my chest will burst, and this sweet oxygen we each breathe is heaven, because your here. Because Im here. I want to let evertything go, lets the rain beat down on me soaking my body, let all my worries and cares dance away in your arms, let all my fears, regrets and everything from the past be forgotten in your eyes. Your beautiful almond eyes that conceal the most amazing mind, the most amazing person. I want to keep these feelings forever, wrap them around my fingers and never let them go, i want to expand my smile and let everyone see how happy am I because I can be. Because i will let myself be happy, for once. I will be, and thank you for that. I want to lose myself in you, i want to taste you. I dont want this feeling to stop, i wish i could show you how wonderful you are.

I miss you Grandpa. I hope you know that...

The Night is Long

Wed, 04 Feb 2004 01:46:57 GMT

Lately, my emotions have been all over the place. Its ridiculous. I just want to be happy, and I wont let myself be. Its crazy. I just want to smile.

I hope I see you tommororw and smile.

Addiction....Like nicotine, I breathe you in and it feels so right.

Mon, 02 Feb 2004 20:05:13 GMT

You make my body quiver when you walk into a room. The scent of smoke dances off your clothes and I absorb it through my nostrils. When you put your arms around me this morning, i melted. nothing mattered.

:-D I am really excited!!!!

stupid cops. ehh stupid tickets. o well you cannot spoil my good mood.

very odd post.